1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
