Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
