i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize