You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
