no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We left an ass print on the piano.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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