I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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