When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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