Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
