there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
