I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
