he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
