im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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