last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
