Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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