take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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