Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
