her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
