i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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