I'm drive I can fine osifer
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
