I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
