Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
