youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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