Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
