i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
