I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
