Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
