I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
