I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
