I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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