i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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