I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My cat gives me a boner
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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