idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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