I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
