life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
