Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
