I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
