Its about making memories worth repressing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
