My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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