To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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