So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
