we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
