I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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