I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
