My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
