I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
