Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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