my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
