we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
