i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
