Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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