when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
