I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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