Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
