Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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