if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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