he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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