They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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