I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
