Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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