You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
