i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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