my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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