I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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