plz talk dirty to me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
