So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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